


Joan to the rescue.

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:15:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: Joan and Kayleigh have an afternoon together. Both have something on their minds.





	Joan to the rescue.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I can't believe that it's been a year since I first posted here. What started as little more than a desire to share my appreciation of the beautifully crafted characters has grown into a passion.  
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my fanfics, and for all the comments left. I might not have another years worth, but I've still got a few, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

"Mum " the phone display said .

“ Hi mam how's things? not like you to phone me this early nowt wrong I hope, Nana alright, I know you said she was feeling poorly through ‘the week” 

“ No she's fine John, it's eh just, you are on your own, aren't you ?” 

“ Yes mam just me, on my tod “ 

“ No Kayleigh?” 

“ No why mam? ,she's at home still on maternity leave, thought you knew that “ 

“ Can we meet for lunch love, I need to pick your brains about something, I was thinking about 1 ,how does that suit “ 

“ Well mam …….” 

“ Good I'll see you at the store then, bye love “

“Well that's that then “ John said to himself as Joan hung up .

John was kept busy all morning, but it didn't stop him worrying about his mum, more specifically about what she had to say. She knew Kayleigh was still off work, and why would she want to meet here at his work, not like her at all. Was Nana ill, no unlikely, she would discuss that at home not here, same if she was Ill, so what was it then..

His phone bleeped, a message from his mum.

“ In Cafe Nero don't be long xx” 

“ She who must be obeyed “ John said imitating his late dad.

John's mum was sitting watching the door, she didn't know if she was doing the right thing or not, but she decided she was going to do it anyway to hell with the consequences, Kayleigh was just too precious not to do something, maybe John had already noticed, anyway he was here.

“ Alright mam, why all the cloak and dagger stuff?”

“ Meeting your son for a coffee isn't exactly cloak and dagger “ Joan said curtly “ I wanted to talk without half your bloody workforce earwigging okay “ 

“ Sorry mam, I'll just go get a coffee okay, you want a top up? “ 

“ No thanks “ 

“Sorry mam, what is it you wanted to talk about ?” John said returning to the table with a large Americano and a wrap.

“ Is Kayleigh okay ?” 

“ She's fine mam, but what were you wanting to talk about ?” 

“ Kayleigh “ 

“ Eh?”

“ John,son I'm worried about Kayleigh, I don't think she's fine, she's not herself “ 

“ She's tired granted, but she's not ill or owt, well not that she's said anyway. What makes you think that she's not right ?” 

“ Kayleigh is always well dressed , good makeup and hair, well almost always “ Joan looked over the lip of her cup.

“ And ?” 

“ I met her on Tuesday John …” 

“ Aye she said , she walked to the Co op wi the buggy and met you on your way out , she told me that ” 

“ She didn't look herself John, not one bit “

" She'd been up for a while by then, Holly was a bit unsettled "

" You know I love Kayleigh as if she were mine, don't you ?"

" Where is this heading mam?"

" She looked like a bag lady John, no offence meant but she did not look herself "

“ Having a baby is hard work mam, more so for her now I'm back at work” 

“ I'm well aware of the work involved in bringing up children thank you “ 

“ Of course you are mam, no offence ,I just meant she's tired, she has more to do now, I try to do what I can but she's trying to do day and night feeds now to save me getting up, we've even argued over it , but I'm doing some of them, that and the fact that there's no one during the day to help out puts a bit of a strain on her”.

“ Holly still feeding little but often ?” 

“ Yea and that don't help any “ 

“ Look John I've got holidays due ….” 

“ No ,no way mam we can handle it, “ 

“ Sure ? “

" We've already discussed you helping thanks but she's sure she can manage" 

" She's determined is she ?"

“ Of course, if you were to turn up she’d just say I'm fine, and carry on , we'll be fine honest “ 

The following morning Joan was relating the story to Nana Rose. 

“ Doesn't sound like baby blues to me , John's right she gets tired that's all “ 

“ You think. ?“ 

“ Look love I was around mams and babies all my working life, I've been there wi ye , that lassie is a brilliant wee mam, does it all, and gets it all right, she's the only one that I've never felt needed a wee chat, present company included “ Rose said smiling.

“ It's intimidating having a mum in law who's a midwife, you made me nervous “

“ She doesn't get nervous “ Rose said matter of factly. 

“ Maybe she's a natural ?”

“ What you doing on Wednesday Joan, got plans “ Rose asked, Joan could see a glint in her eye .

“ Working till one , why ?”

“ I've a wee plan concerning that great granddaughter of mine but I need help, you in ?”

“ I've no idea what you're up to Rose but I'm definitely in “ 

“ Phone John for me, ask who that hairdresser friend of Kayleigh's is and where she works” 

“ And ?” 

“ Stop biting your nails Joan “ Rose laughed.

************************************

“ Coming “ Kayleigh shouted as she went to answer the door. 

“ Nana “ Kayleigh said then stood open mouthed at the sight of her octogenarian in law dressed in a pink velour tracksuit and trainers.

“ Alright love , you not ready ?” 

“ Ready for what Nana ?”

“ Ready for this afternoon,it's Wednesday isn't it?” 

“ Yes Nana, but, how did you get here Nana ?” Kayleigh asked looking down the road.

“ Despite my apparel love I didn't jog “ she laughed “ Joan dropped me off, she'll be back in half an hour for you” 

“ For me, why ?”

“Facial, Pedicure, Massage and nails at Helen's “ 

“ I didn't….” 

“ No I did , I'm babysitting, hence the outfit, you and Joan , afternoon of pampering , Nana Rose doing what she does best, looking after a baby”

“ Look Nana, I…..”

“ Look love you can stand here and argue, but you'll end up going, you need to get a bit of you time, Joan is worried, this way you can convince her how wrong she is while I'm having alone time with my great granddaughter “ 

“ I ..” 

“ You what ?” 

“ Nothing Nana, I was never gonna win was I? “ Kayleigh said smiling .

“ Not a hope in hell love, so go get changed okay .?” 

“ Okay Nana, thanks “ 

“ You're welcome love, now scoot “ Nana said chuckling .

Kayleigh appeared again shortly, her hair done and wearing a modicum of makeup. As she walked into the living room Nana Rose had Holly held up at arm's length she was blowing raspberries at the smiling infant. 

" You look tired love, you need some down time, don't hurry back I'm well able you know ?" Rose said without even glancing towards Kayleigh. 

" Thanks " 

" It's a statement of fact love, not a criticism " 

" Sorry Nana " 

" S' nowt love, you just go and chill okay ?"

" Okay, I'll try "

" You bloody better miss, cause if you don't I'll make Joan take you out again " 

Nana looked at Kayleigh and winked. 

Kayleigh giggled. 

" Nana I…………."

" Right we ready then ?" Joan's sudden question made both Kayleigh and Nana jump.

" Bloody hell Joan" Nana said " you crept in like a bloody ninja " 

" And " she smiled " you ready love ?" 

" Aye Joan, bye darling " 

" Bye love " Nana said grinning. 

" No Nana I meant …….." 

" What ?" 

" You're an old bugger at times Rose Redmond " Kayleigh said smiling.

" At times ?" Joan said from the hall good naturedly .

The two Redmond women made idle chatter for a while, both a little reticent. Kayleigh obviously had something on her mind.

" I am capable you know ? " Kayleigh suddenly said staring straight ahead.

" Capable of what love ?"

" Looking after Holly , I do………." 

" This isn't about Holly " 

" Really ?" Kayleigh said obviously not believing Joan. 

Joan signalled, pulled up to the curb and abruptly stopped.

" I don't doubt for a minute that you are capable of looking after Holly, and John for that matter" Joan as was her want, spoke quite bluntly.

She looked at Kayleigh and saw the upset in her eyes.

" Kayleigh " she said grabbing her beloved daughter in law's hand, " it's you that we're worried about, you are putting Holly and John first , like you always do, but honey you are exhausting yourself, we're worried that you're not looking after yourself like you used to, like you should, that's what this is about, giving you back you, your qualities as a mother are exemplary, I've been doing it for 40 years, you've been doing it for 3 months and already you're better than me "

" So you don't think I'm a bad mother then?"

" Oh Kayleigh darling no , of course not, why on earth would you think that, in the name of all that's holy, that thought has never crossed my mind, even Rose has commented on how natural you are. You know her and I had words when Paul was a baby don't you ?"

" No I didn't " 

" Well we did, I wasn't doing it right, apparently, had a dig when John was little as well, so consider no talking to by her as praise " 

Kayleigh suddenly grabbed Joan in a huge hug.

" I was so worried Joan " she said softly in Joan's ear.

" Aye and we're worried about you being so tired , so let me go you daft bat, we have a pampering to go to " 

" Thanks Joan " 

" Kayleigh I love you like you were my own daughter, I want you to enjoy having the little one, I know you won't let me help the way I want to, so let me help this way okay " 

"Okay, Helen's here we come " 

It was a more bubbly Kayleigh that got out of the car than had gotten in it, her and Joan had a few laughs as Helen got their treatments ready. 

" Facial, pedicure ,nails and massage order of the day Kay, you want to add a waxing babe ?"

" What do you think Joan , will we ?" 

" No thanks, you go ahead love " 

" Go on , I'll be gentle " Helen smiled.

" No I don't fancy it "

" Have you ever had one Joan ?"

" Of course, I've had my legs and armpits done, and my moustache, but don't you dare tell John that bit "

" What about ?" Helen asked " it "

" It ? " a perplexed Joan repeated. 

" Lady garden " Helen said.

" Lady Garden ? " Joan repeated.

" You know , front bottom " 

" Front bottom ?" again Joan repeated Helen.

" She means your fa……" Kayleigh started to say.

" I know what she means " an embarrassed Joan blurted out ," I know full well, and no I've never had it done ! "

" Never ?" Kayleigh and Helen said simultaneously. 

" No , why is that so surprising?"

" Nowadays it's the majority that do get it done, I like the Brazilian myself, or the vertical Hitler as Robert calls it , Kay usually has the Hollywood, that's when it's a…….." 

" I know what they are I've just never had one, don't see the point to be honest, I'm single after all, no man to do it for " Joan said.

" Oh you poor woman" Helen said shaking her head and patting Joan's hand " it's not for them it's for us, we just let them think it's for them, its propaganda " 

" Joan ?"

" Aye Kayleigh love ?"

"When you went on holiday and that, you wore a bathing suit, what did you do ?"

" Quick nip over it wi me, pruning shears or the flymo set on high " 

" You're bloody mad Joan " Kayleigh said through her giggling.

" Okay Helen " Joan said smiling, " I'll have one , but Kayleigh you have to promise not a dicky bird to John okay ?"

" Okay " 

" I'm serious love, he would take the mick for months if he found out " 

" He won't find out will he Kay ?it's like the confessional here Joan, what happens here stays here "

Joan looked across at Kayleigh, she nodded and smiled.

" Right Ladies, let's get some cleansers on and open up those facial pores " Helen was in her element.

Several hours later, Kayleigh felt refreshed, Joan not quite so much .

" I can't believe I let you talk me into that " Joan said wincing. 

" Are you really that sore ?"

" Never mind waxing it feels like it's been sanded " 

Kayleigh bit her lip, but it was obvious she was fighting the giggles. Joan saw her and started sniggering .

" How she can have a normal conversation when she's doing that I don't know , I mean she looks you in the eye while she's doing it " Joan said. 

" Its her job, she's used to it , doesn't see the person just the vajayjay " 

Joan threw her head back and roared with laughter, she reminded Kayleigh of John when she did it .

" Oh God, " she said as she regained some composure, wiping her eyes.

" Not heard it called that ?"

" God no , but it's delightful inoffensive "

" Let's go for a coffee Joan, we could go to Costa, see if John wants to meet us eh?" 

" Great idea love "

As they drove into the retail park, Joan had to brake sharply to avoid rear ending an erratically driven van..

" If he keeps driving like a vajayjay he's gonna have an accident " Joan declared. 

Kayleigh was still laughing as they pulled into the parking space, a bewildered John looking on.

Both Kayleigh and his mum were glowing, the way they were walking arm and arm and laughing and giggling, perked John up no end. 

" Looking nice ladies " 

" We're worth it" Joan said throwing her hair back.

" You go sister " Kayleigh said high fiving her.

" So good day was it ?" 

" It was great John, and your mums company made it special "

" Thank you love " 

" Usual Kayleigh, mam ?" 

" Yes please" Joan replied. 

" Cappuccino please darling " Kayleigh kissed his cheek as she answered.

John headed to the counter, Joan and Kayleigh found a table.

" Can I ask you something Joan ?"

" Of course " 

" If you did think I wasn't looking after Holly properly, would you say ?"

" Yes, I would hate to hurt you Kayleigh but I'd have to say something, she is too important " 

" Good " 

" Pardon?" 

" I thought you would, but it's good to know that you would " 

" I was convinced you'd despise me if I did something like that " 

" Knowing that you're there, willing to say what you see, and knowing I can rely on you not to shirk away from telling me how it is, well that's nice to know" 

" Well I'm gobsmacked Kayleigh " 

" You shouldn't be, any mother who can nurture that " she nodded towards John " into what he's become has a lot to teach me " 

" It wasn't easy love, I did the rough stuff you polished it, talking about polishing ooh" Joan pulled at the front of her trousers, just as John came back to the table.

" Bother mam ?" 

" John " Kayleigh exclaimed, " You don't ask a woman about thinks like that " 

" Sorry " 

Joan looked at Kayleigh, winked and smiled.

" How's Nana and shorty, have you asked ?" John sipped his coffee as he spoke to Kayleigh. 

" Every fifteen minutes" Joan said .

" Not that often, was it ?" 

" Seemed like it "

" All okay I take it ?" John enquired.

" They are both fine, and I'm fine , thanks to mum " Kayleigh reached across and squeezed Joan's hand.

A short while later, Joan finished her coffee, John and Kayleigh were deep in conversation, 

" I'll get you in the car love " 

" Okay Joan, I'll only be five minutes " 

Joan winced as she got up, 

" You sure you're ok mam, have you pulled something ?" 

" Aye I suppose you could say that, sort of " 

" Deep heat is good for that " John innocently suggested.

" No, John I shan't be using that thank you " Joan could see Kayleigh out of the corner of her eye, desperately trying to suppress a laugh .

Eventually John kissed Kayleigh goodbye, and she joined Joan in the car. John watched her fasten her belt, then once again the two women burst into hysterical laughter. John stood smiling watching them drive off.

Kayleigh and Joan walked into John and Kayleigh's living room, Nana was sitting on the settee with Holly, gently singing to her.

" Hi ladies how was your day" 

" It was fantastic thanks to you two " Kayleigh replied a tear in her eye.

" I'll put her in her cot love, you put the kettle on " Nana said getting up.

Joan and Kayleigh sat at the table,

" Earlier today you said I wouldn't let you help the way you wanted, what did you mean Joan ? "

" I want to take Holly to mine occasionally, keep her overnight, give you and John a little respite, or even come here and let you two go out, generally help you with her, I'd like to come over during the day, let you nap, and I'd do a feed or two "

" I thought that you thought, I couldn't manage, and you wanted to take over "

" God almighty no darling, I've never thought that, I told you that already didn't I ?"

" Yes " 

" Good " 

" Yes I'd like you to help" Kayleigh smiled.

" Seriously?" 

" Seriously " 

" Thank you Kayleigh love" 

" No thank you Joan, thank you for everything "


End file.
